The Alphabet

This is in no way an encouragement to engage in stupidity. There are more than enough of those around us. This is more an ode to those I remember trying and living to tell about it. Of course, we had to tell them at what letter they stopped. I’m fairly certain each region and college has their own alphabet. Here’s mine.

A is for ale because you have to start slow
B is for blackberry brandy
C is for chardonnay
D is for Dewar's Scotch
E is for Everclear
F is for Fuzzy Navel
G is for Gin
H is for High Ball or Harvey Wallbanger if you prefer
I is for Irish Mist
J is for Jack Daniels
K is for Kamikaze
L is for Lager

Honestly, none of us were smart enough to pace ourselves to one drink per hour with lots of non-alcoholic chasers to flush it out of our systems. As you get older you get smart enough to figure that out. Sadly you also lose your ability to stay up for over 24 hours. A well made Kamikaze usually did them in. People who chose apricot schnapps or Absolute Vodka did even fewer letters.

The Fuzzy Navel was on purpose. It’s a sugary sweet drink. Tends to kick in the too much candy on Holloween syndrome.  Wretch!

Who/what me?

I always tried to be a spectator. While I don’t mind the occasional good drunk waking up some place you don’t know wondering what happened to your clothes and who swapped a tennis ball for your tongue, hurling so hard it comes out your nose was never something I wanted to achieve.

Admit it. When you were young and stupid, you tried to drink the alphabet once didn’t you? Didn’t think it through pacing yourself over an entire day. Tried to do it in the span of a single party or night out didn’t you?

Yeah, more fool you.

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