Rules

Featured image by Bruno /Germany from Pixabay

***** Journal entry 3

No. I will never tell you what I saw in the hotel room. It will take a long time for me to force that memory into a box. I don’t know of any mental tricks or chemicals which can erase that image from my mind. I was just happy my instructions told me to pick up a rental car and drive myself to a new location. I wasn’t supposed to go back and pick up any of my gear, but, “Joke ‘em if they can’t take a fuck!” Some of that gear has been the deciding factor on more than one job. By “deciding factor” I mean someone decided I should be the one filling the body bag and that gear changed the decision.

I did toss some of it. I guess that’s my mental compromise. I only took what I could easily squirrel away in this rental. We were in that tractor trailer too long. Any idea just how much storage is under the bottom bunk of the sleeper? If it’s full you need a cargo van because a regular passenger vehicle can’t hold it all.

Yes, there’s a reason we’re supposed to dump stuff after a job. It’s a rule meant to keep us safe, or so I was always told. I might have even believed it at one point. That belief ended when one of my dumps turned up with my DNA on it years ago. Now I only dump what didn’t get used. The rest I either keep for the next job or destroy myself.

When you are young you think it is really cool they have someone waiting with a vehicle to collect your tools and cart them away for disposal. It’s kind of like one of those action movies where the assassin shows up with nothing and all is provided. Movies can remove reality whenever it gets in the way of the story moving forward. I’m old enough now to believe the very first gun I ever used is safely stored along with a complete record of the job. If someone wants me gone it will magically surface along with enough information to put me away for good.

Cop shows always talk about serial killers which keep mementos. There is some psychological term for it. I just don’t remember what it is now. None of us are supposed to keep mementos from jobs. I only have one, from the first job. Much of the time it is on my wrist. At least it is on my wrist when I need to dress up nice. It’s a SKULLS wristwatch from the first job.

While I didn’t lie to Melony, I did leave part of it out. I did go into the killing room after that first job. I took the watch off the target. Everyone of those watches has some kind of identification within them. Lots of stories about how they can unlock doors. Sometimes by just having them recognized and other times by getting them close enough to a badge reader. I wasn’t collecting a memento though.

At some point someone in the SKULLS organization is going to figure out my people offed one of their own. Given the generations of pampered lives and inbreeding within that group, a loose cannon might try to have us all exterminated. I have no idea just how many are within this organization. It claims to be ancient, don’t they all. Some say it dates back to before the Roman Empire. I always put that down to marketing hype. No, I took the watch because I was young and cocky enough to want proof it was me when the SKULLS came knocking. If they ever declared war I wanted proof on my wrist of just how vulnerable they really are.

It sounds stupid, I know. Sure sounds stupid to me now. Young men full of piss and vinegar are easy to season with talk of duty and honor. All of that “leave no man behind,” “take one for the team” bullshit.

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