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“Are you keeping me happy tonight, Jay” Tina asked as she climbed in the back seat, sliding over for Tiffany.

“Already in the armrest babe” I responded watching Tiffany nearly rip the rear armrest out of the vehicle to get it down and open. “You da man!” she exclaimed as she saw the goods. Tiffany reached up to give me a Chicago handshake. These girls still believed in paying cash. It was 7:30 on a warm summer Tuesday night. Really could have been any Tuesday over the past year and a half. I even divided the purchase for them so they wouldn’t be doing that as we drove through city traffic. It was Tuesday and these girls were headed to a Rave.

Their plastic baggies had X for tonight, bit of blow so they could get to work tomorrow. A Vicodin for when it all caught up with them a few days from now and a joint to let them get a good night’s sleep before the weekend arrived. They had been regulars of mine since I started driving.

“So tell me Jay” Tina began as she clicked her seat belt in place “How come you have a different car every few months? You really making that much or do you keep wrecking them?”

“They are rentals” I replied.

“Wouldn’t you make more money if you drove your own car?” asked Tiffany.

“If I’m ever stopped they can only take the ride the drugs are in and anything they can prove drug money bought” I stated, realizing I probably shouldn’t have said the phrase drug money out loud. “My ‘Benz isn’t in my name. Avis can fight with the police about getting their ride back while mine is safe and sound.” I saw the girls share an approving look in the mirror.

“Honestly” I continued, “the only real problem is stopping to drop off the cash and reload the arm rest.” Yeah, I get too casual around these girls, but they had been to a few of my hotel parties. They were all about pleasure, both giving and receiving.

I pulled up at the club to drop them off and my next Tuesday regular appeared for me to claim. Myself and a few others had figured out how to scam the system. If a rider knew what type of car to specify and when, they had a high probability of getting one of us. The app didn’t let you actually specify a driver but you could stack the odds. A couple of guys working for me also drove for food delivery services. I love the convenience economy. You can drop off a drug purchase along with an order of egg rolls. Just wear the right hat or jacket and carry the service bag, nobody looks twice. Some of my competitors were working in grocery delivery. Some of the higher end apartment and condo buildings had actual lockers to leave deliveries in. Those customers all paid electronically.

Laundering cash was still a problem. Banking regulations kept changing the reporting amounts. My girlfriend worked as a waitress at one of those expensive tourist type places. She took some of my cash to her bank as “tip money.” Just can’t launder enough that way though.

My second fare of the evening was waiting with his oversized gym bag. I got out and popped the trunk while he got in the back. The small sales were easy. Money fit in the palm. A very polite Chicago handshake to welcome them to your ride and you were all good. Even better if you took your seat belt off first so you could slip the money in your jacket pocket before clicking the belt back in place. This guy wasn’t small time. The gym bag held $50,000 in tightly wrapped bundles. I had another gym bag which looked just like it in the trunk. That one held his drugs. It’s amazing. Rides with these lights on the dash are so common nobody looks twice if you get something out of the trunk for someone.

The best part about the entire situation was I didn’t have to drive for the service all night. I just had to leave the thing lit up on the dash and I could make all of the stops I wanted. Most big deals like this one didn’t go through the service. Two hours later I was empty. I backed into my garage, unloaded the money and load more drugs. Tuesdays were a very big night for me. Most drivers tried to get the tourist business on the weekends. Me, I liked regulars. I drove Monday through Wednesday. Some of my fares were even legit. I made sure to always take more than the minimum number of fares so I could stay in the rental car program. I was even looking at getting a black market Lyft thing for the dash so I could do all of my major deliveries when I wasn’t driving for the company.

I couldn’t launder money through a bank, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t store it there. I had a large safety deposit box at just about ever bank in town and a few in the suburbs. Some boxes held premium drugs. The rest were packed tight with cash. I even rented a storage unit in my brother’s name. A nice 8×10 unit with a bunch of garage sale items in the front. The back had storage bins filled with my bulk shipments. Finding that storage locker place took a while. I had to find one which didn’t have security cameras, just an access keypad. I usually went to the place on the weekends dropping off empty containers and picking up full ones.

The downside of the safety deposit boxes were the keys. I had an encrypted file stored online which told me which went were, but I still had to keep the keys handy. There was a purple Crown Royal bag filled to overflowing with them hidden in the back of my closet. I used to hide them in my bedroom air vent until they started rattling and blocking air flow.

Need to find another storage place though as the owner was starting to act a bit suspicious. You never want to start paying someone like that off because the payments never end or stay the same size.

Right now the only flaw in this entire operation is all of the people paying cash. I seem to be the last dealer for dinosaurs. Most of my competition would only take Bitcoin or some other form of crypto-currency. Nobody could prove where it came from or that it was really yours. I had talked to a few people who had more than a dozen electronic wallets under different names. They could fly out of the country with only the clothes on their back and still be rich when they landed.

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