In part one you Millenials learned you are wearing synthetic clothes and eating synthetic food. In case you still doubt the synthetic food part, check out this article from PETA about finding soy-free and gluten-free fake meat. Yes, the Soy and Gluten Nazis have even invaded the world of fake meat.
This next won’t apply so much to Millenials since you all don’t buy cars, but, for the rest of you, have any of you noticed almost the entire nose cone of your ride is some kind of plastic and one piece. You see so many cars driving around with a missing chunk of that nose cone because after they curbbed their ride owners found it cost north of $3,000 to replace that thing. Read the fine print on those “leather” interiors too. You will see a * and once you whip out your handy 30x magnifying glass you will see it usually reads “leather like seating surfaces” or something equally noncommittal. Back in the day car bodies were metal. If you dinged it on a curb you could pound it out and touch it up. There was also truth in advertising. A leather interior meant it was actually leather, not synthetic leather.
Remember when they tried to sell vinyl interiors as “leather like?” How many of you made the mistake of climbing into one of those rides which had been parked in the sun when you had shorts on? You didn’t need those first two layers of skin anyway. Sadly it was little kids who got to experience most of that. We didn’t have super duper stain resistant cloth interiors back then. Families with little kids bought vinyl because you could wipe up spilled ice cream, apple juice and chocolate milk. Cloth of they day neither forgave or forgot.
So, now you eat synthetic food, wear synthetic clothes and drive a mostly synthetic car. I’m going to politely skip all comments about inflatable dolls as synthetic spouses. You can fill in your own thoughts there.
Now we get to synthetic tech. Yes Millenials, even your tech is synthetic. Take a really good look at that keyboard. It was painted metal. You needed both hands to pick it up and if you were strong enough to swing it the thing was a lethal weapon.
Years later event he plastic shell versions still had metal backings.
Eventually more and more plastic found its way into our keyboards and computers. Today idiots have an identity theft enabling device they carry with them constantly and incorrectly refer to as a “smart” phone. Guess what? Your synthetic computer has a synthetic keyboard. No actual keys or physical clicking involved. A piece of software tosses up a simulated keyboard of some kind (depending on which direction the phone is oriented) and you happily let your thumbs walk around.
You have to have that synthetic keyboard because it lets you Tweet, Snapchat, FaceBook and text. It lets you have a fully synthetic life without having to risk actual human contact or looking up to see the world. When all of your “friends” lose their waitressing and bus boy jobs to cheap imported computer devices programmed by deep learning machines costing $120 each, you might even be synthetically enraged.
