Subconsciously we all know this to be true, we just choose to ignore it. Especially young single guys. I’m not talking about any dietary reasons for buying the farm, I’m talking about physical ones.
Oh come on, you all know someone who did something like this.
A coworker had a friend in college who tossed a pizza into the oven and realized he was out of beer, so he walked the block to the convenient store to get some beer. By the time he got back the fire department was at his complex and smoke was billowing out his apartment window. When he walked up and asked what was happening to his apartment the fireman said “You won’t be having that pizza for supper tonight.” There were no fatalities, just a lot of smoke and water damage.
You’ve all probably done it yourself once or twice. Either in a hurry or liquored up you slipped the pizza in the oven without taking the cardboard out. One guy I met this morning lost a friend who didn’t even bother to take it out of the box.
We all keep a few frozen pizzas and other frozen things on hand for those “emergency hold out meals.” You get off work too late to get any food on the way or, you got home at 2am drunk and starving. That’s when pizza kills you.
It is March when I write this and will be July before you read it, but, I heard in a town not that far from here the story played out again. A couple of guys living a couple of houses down from a liquor store got a bit more alcohol on Saturday night, walked back to their place, and then died from a fire which started in the kitchen. The investigation isn’t over, but, the fire marshal has said it started in the kitchen. If you are a single guy, you pretty much know what happened. Popped a pizza in the oven, either still on the cardboard or still in the box, then fell asleep.
So, to you remaining single guys, if you’ve been out drinking, don’t reach for the frozen pizza when you get home. If you’ve got a habit of doing that, you might want to find a significant other who is a good cook and give up half your stuff to prolong your life. It’s much safer to microwave left overs. Of course that is assuming the significant other will still let you go out and get liquored up…
