Some of my friends have lead interesting lives. We will call this friend Fred because I promised not to use his name. I cannot provide too many details for fear you will find out who he is, but this story is too interesting not to write down.

During his youth he got into the sport of weight lifting. It was something I wouldn’t have guessed until he told me this story. Well, he has been telling me this story in bits and pieces over a number of years. I just happen to remember enough of it to paint a picture. Why I say I never would have guessed he was ever into weight lifting is that he is not an ogre nor does he have hundreds of pounds of loose flesh hanging from him like many who lift or body build competitively then stop. Just looks like a regular guy.

My introduction to this tale started a couple of years ago during one of our “I’m driving for a long way, kill some time for me” phone calls. Out of the blue he tells me an old friend of his is writing a book. I asked “oh, what about?” “Weight lifting” he responded. Odd I thought, but everyone has a passion they write about. I had assumed the segue happened because we had been talking about a book I just released. Don’t ever assume.

“Yeah I found out about it because he called me and wanted to meet so I could sign some documents letting him use my story. He said I’m going to be in the book.”

I’ll be honest. At this point I was waiting for the punchline. There just had to be a ba-dump-bump-crash from drum and symbol coming up to inform the audience a joke had just been told. He proceeded “You see, when I was young I got into weight lifting as a sport. I worked out at this gym with a group of guys. Well, I was the workout partner for most of them, but I lifted too. I won some small events and was even ranked in both my state and region, but I wasn’t anything like these guys. One set a world record. Most made the Olympic team and traveled around the world. My life changed and I kind of got out of the sport and lost touch with most of them.”

“Then a couple of weeks ago I got a phone call from one of them saying another is trying to locate me. Needs to meet with me about a book he’s writing. I agreed. We met and talked. He said he wants to include me in the book.”

At this point I couldn’t resist “What? One line. Fred also lifted.”

“Compared to everything they accomplished I would think that is all he could say” responded Fred. “He had a bunch of photos and wanted to see what photos I had from our workouts and competitions.”

That conversation was a long time ago, perhaps 2 years. I have remembered it all of this time because it was so unexpected. Today I had another “I’m driving a long ways, help me kill time” phone call with him. We chatted about this and that, not having spoken in at least 6 months then he piped up with “remember I told you I used to lift weights?”

“Yes, yes” I responded. “You have a friend writing a book about it and Fred also lifted is going to be a line in that book. Is it finally out?”

“Not that I know of” he responded. “Somehow I think one of those guys was involved with this though. A while back I got an official invite to some weightlifting hall of fame. They wanted me to be a speaker at an annual event. I thought, What the Hell am I going to talk about to them? I loved the sport while I was in it, but I didn’t set records, make the Olympic team or anything like that. Am I being set up by one of my lifting buddies so everybody can laugh at me?”

“Well, did you ask if they were paying Hillary Clinton speaking fees? If that’s the case let them hoot and howl while you laugh all the way to the bank.”

“Nah, this place wasn’t paying anything. I told them about all of the things I had going on and said I just couldn’t make it. I didn’t think anymore about it” Fred continued. “Last week I got this really official looking embossed document in the mail from them saying they understood the short notice but would be honored for me to speak at next year’s event and looked forward to seeing me. Why would anyone want to listen to me? I mean these guys set records, some of which might still stand, and traveled all over the world lifting.”

“Well you could be the entertainment between to heavy speakers” I responded.

“Yeah, I’m the comic relief.”

Finally I pipped up “Oh, you are missing the reality. They need you to give a pep talk to all of the kids in the audience who don’t have a snow ball’s chance in Hell of ever setting a record or making the Olympic team because the gyms need those kids to keep paying their fees and the kids who do have a chance need those kids as work out partners not to mention needing the gym to stay in business. Haven’t you heard most gyms focusing on competitive lifting make no money. Without everyone like you both paying the fees and helping the greats workout, those gyms can’t exist. Just tell a lot of stories and if you run out of things to say you could always bring up your ex-wife.”

“Yeah, but I was just a workout partner to these guys. I mean I loved the sport while I was in it and enjoyed the friendships I made but I only won a few small competitions, nothing like these guys” countered Fred.

“Yes, you were the water boy” I responded.

“Pretty much compared to those guys” he replied.

“Why do you think your friends included you in the book? Without a workout partner they couldn’t have set those records or made Olympic teams because you can’t work out alone. If something went wrong it was your job to throw yourself under the weights to save their life. Seriously, gyms don’t make a lot of money and just how many of those who cannot achieve even success in the sport let alone greatness will be inspired by having someone spend half an hour on stage saying ‘I did this! I’m great! Praise me!’? After 2 or 3 of those speeches the bulk of the kids will turn in their gym memberships. If they don’t hear from someone who is just like them, who loves the sport and the friendships even though they know they aren’t destined for greatness, they will bail. You need to attend next year’s meeting and I have the opening line for your speech. It will set the tone for the room and for everything you write afterwards. Have you got something to write it down on?”

“Yes, hold it, okay, go.”

“My Name is Fred and I Used to be a Water Boy.”