Featured image by Bruno /Germany from Pixabay
Family dynamics never cease to amaze me. The men are getting another round while the women continue their turf war over the napkins. If the guys decide to shoot another game of pool we’ll have a full blown at fight on our hands. Oh. No. Don’t get the impression the sisters will go at it in public. Three other women that would normally attract Henry’s eye have been eying the remaining napkins. All they need is an opportunity to get close enough to them.
I told you, I get paid to notice these things. Noticing these things keeps me alive, and I have to be alive to get paid. Thankfully, I’m the only one in here who does get paid to notice such things. Others here notice things in hopes of getting paid. There is a distinct difference. That difference determines if you are someone who wins in life or someone who has to hang their hopes on a multi-state lottery.
Take the Kevorkian blonde trying to casually slither into the bar stool next to me. I saw her out of the corner of my eye for only a second, but can tell that is exactly where she is headed. She’s 38 feet away and has only taken one step, but in my line of work you have to know where the second step will land before the foot leaves the ground.
You can tell a lot about a person if you have been trained to observe. First, ignore the clothes. Yes, she’s in her finest trailer park attire, but anyone can dress like that, just look at Britney Spears. What you really need to see is the look in a person’s eye and the expression on their face when they think they aren’t being watched. Her cheeks twitched to a smirk and her eyes flashed dollar signs. This girl has at least three kids from at least two different guys. At best, one of them married her, but nobody is paying child support. I’m not dressed up, but I’m cleaned up and my cell phone costs more than her entire wardrobe, including her purse and cell phone. She’s not evil, just in a hole and looking to punch a meal ticket out of that hole while she still has the looks to do it. Need to make an exit out of here as soon as possible. Somehow I don’t think she will be turned off by my not leaving in a car.
Most of the younger crowd consider cell phones a status symbol. The coolest must have the coolest. I don’t fall into that category. My cell phone is neither cool looking nor trendy, but it works 30 feet under water. No, that isn’t just something marketing put on the flyer, I thought that too when I read it. Not long after I bought it I found myself in a situation where I needed it to work under water and it did. Don’t ask. It isn’t one of my happier memories. Then again, you don’t have a lot of happy memories leading this life. It’s a life you lead while you are young enough to lead it, then get out of when you start seeing frost in your whiskers. I can’t honestly say I know many who have managed to get out though. Nobody really wants to admit that they aren’t young anymore. I know, that must sound odd coming from a guy who says he can’t “drink em’ pretty” anymore, but that has more to do with alcohol tolerance than age. Once you attain a certain level of tolerance you don’t loose your vision until after you pass out.
“Hi” she says after casually and needlessly bumping me.
“Evening.”
“What’s a girl got to do to get a drink around here?”
“The custom in most bars is to place an order with the bartender and pay for it when they place it in front of you, unless you are running a tab.”
“Wow! Most guys fall over themselves to buy a hot chick a drink.”
“Seems to be quite a few guys in here to test that theory on.”
The bartender comes over and she orders another draft beer. When he looks at me I shake my head. He seems rather stunned that I’m not picking up the tab. Apparently he views her as a walking talking drink market. In any other bar with any other woman I probably would have picked up the round, but this girl is a train wreck looking for a happening.
“So much for the theory” she states when the bartender leaves.
“Theories require a lot of testing before they are proven either true or false. It’s early, you’ll find other test subjects to experiment with.”
“It’s not often I get shut down like that. Are you gay?” she asks getting a little louder at the end.
“Nope, just not looking.”
“Oh. Married without a ring on.”
“Nope, just not looking.”
“Odd. I figured you were slummin` it tonight.”
“No, just killing time along with a few brain cells that really deserve it..”
“What’d they do to you?” she laughs.
“I don’t remember. I just know I don’t need them anymore.”
“I’m Melanie.”
“Hello Melanie.”
continued…
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