Featured image by Bruno /Germany from Pixabay
A Grand Master – Twenty of Two is a master chef which has learned to utilize the twenty two-part poisons this organization likes to employ. Traveling with Henry and those before him means I’ve had most of them. No, I’m not immune, I’m owned. Once you’ve consumed the first part of any of these poisons you can die almost instantly if you encounter the second part. Some hang around in the fat cells of your body without breaking down for up to six months. If they encounter the other half of the poison they bond with it, like a spouse finding their lifetime mate. Then they go on a honeymoon to the heart, liver or some other vital bodily system and you die.
Oh, many have told me the poisons were passed down from our ancient founders. While that may be true for one or two, it is not true for the ones I know about. What? You think we have a lab somewhere cooking these things up? Gosh no! We have IT geeks mining the databases at the FDA, CDC and Consumer Protection Agency mining for drugs which failed and edible consumer products which were ordered pulled.
I wouldn’t be surprised to learn we have thousands of gallons of Flint Michigan drinking water stored, filtered for color and taste, but not lead removal. That would be a particularly long play. Most likely one we would engage in if sent to destroy a career instead of a physical body. Pumping an otherwise healthy adult full of lead at a slow rate would lead to insanity and violence.
You see, both we and the Federal government already know these things kill people. All we have to find out is how to separate them into two parts, one of which either works well as a seasoning or changes the taste less than an extra drop of water in a kettle of soup.
Of all the poisons, number six is my favorite. It makes the best tasting oven cooked cod fish I have ever had. What? You thought we force it into them via pill or syringe? You don’t need chefs for that. We serve it to them and are complemented for one of the finest meals they’ve ever eaten. As I said, these are two part poisons. I simply stopped eating anything from any Mexican influenced eatery. One or more of the spices commonly used in that food is the other half. The kind of people who would be at such a banquet don’t typically eat at Taco Bell anyway.
After the geeks find something new the master chefs and a few chemists figure out how to split it into something which can be used as a “secret spice.” Every chef has their tricks don’t you know? Even a flavorless spice is of use if it can help neutralize some stronger spices in a dish, making it more palatable to the consumer. Oh come on, you’ve all had lemonade which was too tart or acidic. People used to pour sugar into it to kill the acid, but in today’s low calorie world a no calorie acid neutralizer is all the rage. Just be careful about eating anything with barbecue sauce, because that’s number eight and I don’t know if it is all sauces or just certain ones.
Don’t get all panicky about our use of CDC data. We don’t do biological weapons. They do, however, have a surprising amount of information about deadly drug interactions. Oh come on, you read about Heath Ledger’s accidental prescription drug overdose. You’ve even had your doctor tell you to bring in all of your herbal/natural supplements as well as vitamins when you come in. That’s because it is a house of cards. A great many over the counter products contain Acetaminophen but people don’t read the label. If a person mixes those with some prescription drug which contains a maximum safe dose, they are already dancing at death’s door, just don’t know it. You can kill them by offering a Tylenol when they complain about a headache. As I said, we don’t directly kill most of our targets. They die long after we are gone.
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