We aren’t getting the whole Fentanyl story. I had to literally experience the real Fentanyl story.
Roughly six years ago I went in for the dreaded “upper and lower.” I was only required to do the upper as a result of acid reflux but given my family history opted to get them both done while I was there. The other reason I opted for it is back then they knocked you out better when you got them both done together. You could wake up oblivious to how you were violated. Yes, the “clean-out” process is pretty vile.
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On the plus side I had just started a contract out of state so when I finally arranged the procedures the people who would be doing it would never be able to get drunk and belligerent in a bar and shout out “I stuck a scope up his ass!”
A friend of mine asked the people performing his
Friend: “So, how many of these do you do a day?”
Medical worker: “I don’t know, about 40 I guess.”
Friend: “Man, that’s a lot of assholes! At work I only have to deal with one or two. At least you get to knock all of yours out. I get arrested then fired if I try that.”
Chance encounter
When you are given your “prep” prescription don’t mix it with anything you actually like. I was not yet diabetic so I chose to mix it/chase it with Gatorade. Wheeling up to the Kroger checkout with six jugs in the cart I’m behind a woman with what appears to be a 10 year old boy. She sends him back to look for more Gatorade as she only had two in her cart. I didn’t pipe up to save the kid the trip. I took the last of the lemon-lime flavor which is what she had in the cart.
It seems she knew the young guy at checkout. Sounded like they were neighbors. After some conversation he asked why she needed so much Gatorade. “I’m going in for a colonoscopy on Thursday.”
“Me too. What time?”
She looked at me, looked in my cart to see nothing but Gatorade then looked back to me and said “9:30.”
“Wow! Me too. What location?”
At this point the kid running the cash register is falling down laughing. I turned to him and said “Laugh all you want dude, this is in your future too. All we are deciding now is if we wish to have met the person we are about to flash our ass to in a hospital gown.”
We had different doctors and different locations for those who are curious.
The procedure
You don’t ask a lot of questions going in. Really you just want it over. Honestly you want to be able to have a span of longer than 10 minutes out of the bathroom. You want to be able to consume something that doesn’t make you feel like vomiting. They stick that needle in your hand for the IV. Put some oxygen in your nose and soon oblivion consumes you.
The next thing I remember is staring up through a thick fog in my brain to a mortified looking nurse telling me they had to revive me. I was so out of it I just laughed and made a joke about it not being April first. They kept not letting me sleep and it was infuriating.
Each time I woke up they kept telling me to breath deep, my O2 stats were too low. It took a long time to get out of the place. I got back to my apartment in late afternoon then slept some more. This time when I woke up I felt like someone had worked my chest over with a ball bat.
After some chicken soup I vowed never to go through that again. I did make it to work the next day but was at half throttle. Actually I was at half throttle for the next few days. Thankfully I write software. If I had been a roofer I think I would have fallen off the roof.
The Fentanyl scratch test
Six years go by. The nagging from my doctor and the insurance company become more than I can take. Having just finished a contract and knowing I would be “down” for at least a month I give in. I’ve worked in IT for over 30 years. I’ve had to transfer files from IBM Mainframes to DEC midrange computers. The former used EBCDIC and the latter used ASCII. They even had different binary number formats. We could do it in the early 1980s. Even with all of the “standards” for electronic medical records, one doctor couldn’t transmit my information to another doctor less than 20 miles away. After close to a month I drive to my doctor’s office and have them print out all records from my first upper and lower then “Jeep-net” them over to the other doctor’s office. So much for technology.
Another few weeks go by and I get a consult scheduled. I explain the problem I had with anesthesia. They acknowledge it and we schedule the procedure. Thankfully I was awake when the anesthesiologist came in. She asked if I had any allergies to medicine and I ask if she had been given my records because they had to revive me last time. Hurriedly she goes to the office to get my records and reads them. “Well, I assume you had trouble with this Fentanyl cocktail so I’m going to give you something else.”
“It’s not like they have a scratch test for allergies too it” I reply absently.
“Actually they do” she replied.
This time when I wake up I’m not foggy. My chest doesn’t hurt. I’m functional the rest of the day.
The media
Journalism is dead in America. It has been for at least a decade. Everything about the broadcast is sound bites and click bait to generate more advertising revenue. Other than a few authors hawking their books on here while you read some free content, there is no advertising.
While drug dealers are lacing their drugs with cheap Fentanyl and people are dying from it and the dealers very well could be putting too much in the mix, based on my personal experience “The Deadly Fentanyl Epidemic” sells more advertising than “The Deadly Peanut Epidemic.”
You see, about as many people (perhaps more) have a deadly allergy to Fentanyl as have a deadly allergy to peanuts yet we have thousands of grocery store items with peanuts/peanut oil in them. Sadly people find out they are allergic to peanuts about the same way and the allergy can develop late in life. My father ate various nut mixes and peanut butter all the time, then around 45 started getting chest pains whenever he at the stuff, so he stopped. You definitely don’t want a heart attack and you especially don’t want a heart attack behind the wheel of 72,000 pounds of screaming death known as an 18-wheeler.
The Fentanyl allergy
It appears the Fentanyl allergy manifests itself in the following manner. You stop breathing. Not long after your heart stops. Then you die. When you stop breathing in a medical setting the monitors alarm and a trained team go to work on you. Generally you survive. When you are in a back alley or home alone getting stoned, you die.
As consumers we never ask about what we are being given to put us under. Something goes into the IV. Sometimes we get a nose mask with funny smelling stuff. We go under. Generally we wake up and remain blissfully ignorant. Theoretically, in that environment, the risk is low but, if you really want to play it safe, ask what they are going to use and if there is a scratch test for it.
I’m not posting this to engage in fear mongering. In a hospital setting I believe it is perfectly safe for a large portion of the human species. Like peanut butter though, for some of us it can be deadly. Actually it is deadlier. Your life won’t end if you cut out all peanut based products out of fear, there will just be fewer items on your menu and you will never eat Thia food. Where it is deadlier is the fear your first experience with a reaction comes in. You don’t want to go out like Farrah Fawcett and you just might put off getting any more colonoscopies if your first one nearly kills you.
